if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
