Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
