Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
