From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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