We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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