when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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