i will never coherently bang her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize