First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
