I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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