it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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