I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we're making bets on your personal life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
