I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
