1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A bitchslap is in order.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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