i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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