Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
