I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are the jesus of drinking
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
