Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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