its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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