From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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