Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
