Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
