I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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