Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
