just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
