u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
