I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
