Where is the hickey?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
