Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
