im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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