I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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