Where did you get a picture of my penis
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
40s are totally the cure
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
