It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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