Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
