you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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