And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
