Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
