Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
