just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
