How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
