I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
