y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
