Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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