i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
