Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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