I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
