dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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