Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
