I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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