I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
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Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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