It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
