Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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