So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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