As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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