I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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