But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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