He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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