Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
