well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
