please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
