I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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