Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
