I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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