I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
did i just pee glitter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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