no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
