I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
