He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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