We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
