just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
