yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
