thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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