A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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