Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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