she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
