she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
