I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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