I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
