plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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