this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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