I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
